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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The weight of Grief

I stepped on the scale tonight for the first time since the loss of my parents and discovered I am within five pounds of what I weighed while nine months pregnant with my first child. Admittedly, I was a small woman prior to that first pregnancy but this time the weight isn't a cute basketball in the front of my shirt. Instead, it is carbunkling all over my body. It's not like this came as a great surprise. I knew the doughnuts, desserts, muffins, cake, and ice cream while doing zero exercise would have to add up. I wonder if on some level I thought that crying worked off calories. If so, then I would be looking like an aerobics instructor.

Inertia has also been wrapping itself around me. It isn't just exercise I don't feel like doing. Nothing seems to interesting except books. I could travel far and wide for long periods of time between multiple covers if my children didn't keep interrupting me wanting things like food or affection.

I felt very proud as I did a few laps in the pool tonight. I'm not sure they counteracted the large bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream Jeff served me tonight but better than not doing them. My goal now is to do something active every day. We'll see how that goes now, won't we?