Milestones

I finished my blog for tonight and then read over it and thought it sounded like I was very depressed. I want to clarify before you read on that I am not. I am so thankful for all the good things that are going on in my life right now. Maybe I only come to blog when the melancholy hits me or maybe it hits me when I really sit down to think. I'm not sure. Either way, I wanted to state right here, up-front that things are going well. The kids are loving the pool, and I'm excited about some redecorating we plan to do.

Tomorrow morning Christopher will graduate from K-5 to the world of the elementary student. Already we have his reading list for the summer along with his math packet. It is also another event that my mother would attend were she still with us. I know I've written this before but it really does seem that my life will forever after be divided into two segments-The before Mom died era and then everything after. I had the end of the year conferences with both kids' teachers today. Kelsey's teacher asked how we were holding up. I started stammering and then finally said, "Ok, you know." Not a very eloquent answer but about all I've got because if I start talking about it at great length I will certainly cry.

I remember Mom still crying whenever she talked about her mother or her brother so I don't guess the feeling of loss ever goes away. I am grateful for the perspective it has given me though. Never before did I feel so deeply for others who have lost their parents as I do now. It is a heightened perspective. We have finally begun working our way out of the mess in our upstairs. In fact, we are ready to paint Jeff's office and I have hired a teenager to come on Friday to begin removing wallpaper. I know this can be our home but it still feels like a different kind of strange to be creating a space that Mom will never visit.