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Monday, January 17, 2011

It's the Waiting

Today someone from Thompson's Cancer Center is going to call us to schedule Jeff's MRI. I think it is more than ironic that while we wait to find out if he has a brain tumor that will alter my children's lives significantly (to put it mildly). We are in process of trying to decide what to do about my own father. Yesterday, my family came over for a spaghetti lunch, Jeff's special homemade recipe, to celebrate my son's 6th birthday. Mom looked so tired and Dad, while there in body, wore a perpetually confused look.

Yet, they were both in the pictures so I can show my son years down the road his Nana and Grandpa at his sixth birthday party. It may be that neither of them are present for his 7th. It would be beyond unfair if his father weren't either.

Last night my dreams were full of trips in which Jeff and I received the results of his MRI. Clearly, my mind is either in denial or on the positive route since in all of them there was no tumor. Although last night I looked up causes of problems to the 6th cranial nerve (what the doctor says is causing his double vision) and brain tumor was listed close to the top, right after stroke and something else disturbing that I can't remember right now. Jeff's blood pressure is good so I don't think that's the problem. The one positive I got out of the article is that it said sometimes a cause is never found and it can be corrected with spectacles. I gotta say, I'd be all right with ignorance especially if it could be fixed. So we are holding our breath, crossing our fingers, but mostly praying that the MRI will come soon and put us out of this time of uncertainty.

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