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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Rough start but it has to go up, right?

 At six this morning, I let the dog out the back door, only to hear the immediate shrieking of my own burglar alarm. You might think this lapse on my part was due to some complicated change but no, I just forgot it was on. Then with the sirens blaring, I could not remember the code. So I had to race to the back, cats and dog scattering out of my way with the cringe-worthy sound of claws on wood floors, my housecoat flying out behind me like a cape, to where I (thank God) have the code written down. Then when the alarm company called she asked, "Do you know why the alarm went off, Mrs. Wahler?"
I considered various lies like blaming it on the children or my husband because they would never know but somehow honesty persevered and I said,"Yes, I opened the door." She was silent because what could she do other than call me some bad name and slam the phone down because she got woken at six a.m. But that probably wouldn't be too good for her job. So after that, I fought with the children in getting them ready,and was thirty min late getting them to school. Then I had a crying jag during which time I called one of my good friends who generously offered to meet this crazy woman for breakfast. She also then came over, helped me take down my Christmas tree and generally became in one day, a shining light to this struggling soul. It is amazing how much the little things help.

Mom and Dad came to my nephew's basketball game tonight. She has eaten some today but still wasn't very hungry. I tried to buy her some popcorn from concessions because she thought it smelled good but she didn't want any. Hospice called and changed the time of the meeting to a time when I can not be there because I am teaching my drama class. I was immediately furious and said to my mother, "Why would you do that?" and then felt horrible for talking that way when she already doesn't feel good. I felt like I apologized for much of the rest of the game. She called me later to say my sister plans to change it because she couldn't be there either. Hopefully, my sister handled it better than I.

After the game, Mom and Dad brought their Christmas stuff back over here to store since they don't have much storage in their apartment. While here, I took out the garbage and Dad wanted to come with me. That made a not so fun task in the rain much harder. His steps were shuffling on the dark driveway so I thought he might feel more secure if he held on to a handle on one side of the garbage can. So I placed his hand there, not knowing that he was going to bear down the whole rest of the way down the drive. Luckily, we didn't have much garbage this week or I don't think I could have handled the weight. I was really glad to get to the end of the driveway though. By that time, my arm muscles were aching and the handles of the garbage can were at about my knee level. So Dad and I were both walking stooped.

I helped him get his seatbelt on when he and Mom left. Every once in a while he can get it but most of the time, he isn't sure how to use the buckle. Mom said last night he had some lucid moments and she talked to him about the move to the Alzheimer's facility. She said he was very understanding and agreed it was probably the best move. I am so glad. Because even though he won't remember, on rough days, Mom will know he was in agreement with the move. I am grateful for this blessing for her and me too. I wish I could have heard him say it.

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