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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sick and Tired

Mom's pain level continues to rise. She is taking pain meds almost constantly now. My middle sister plans to call Hospice tomorrow. They are the experts in pain control and most of all we don't want Mom to suffer. Last night around 10:30 my phone rang and she asked me to come spend the night to watch Daddy. He'd already gotten out of the apartment once and ended up across the hall. After I got there, she took a stronger pain pill and slept through the night. Fortunately, Daddy did as well. I kept waking up thinking I heard something but he stayed in the room all night.

Got up in time to make it home to get ready for church. The sky as I drove home glowed with a pink light from the sunrise, beautiful. We went to Mom and Dad's Baptist church today. I'm not sure I can be Baptist again. There seems to be such a sin focus. The weight of Christianity seems heavy after I hear sin sermons when Jesus promised his yoke would be light. I realize I'm not perfect (or even close) but it seems like it might be more fruitful to talk about how my imperfect self can be useful to the Kingdom ministry. Daddy remembered some of the hymns today. It was bittersweet to hear his deep voice singing out the words in such a familiar way when nothing else about him seems familiar. I stood next to him singing with tears running down my face. Will he still have these moments of lucidity after he moves to The Lantern in a couple of weeks? I heard him ask Mom after the service who Jeff and I were. This afternoon, my throat is hurting and my head aches. I'm praying for strength from God because mine seems to be flagging.

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