So not fair

My kids did great in their show at school today and then tonight, Jeff and I had the privilege of seeing my nephew's stage performance. I enjoyed both immensely but after each of the shows, I came home or got to the car anyway and had a good cry. Mom would have been so proud. I can see her now repeating the lines Phillip said or commenting on how much better he did than another kid. Mom probably would have come to see Christopher twice. If she weren't sick, if she weren't gone, if life was fair and good people didn't get cancer.

I wonder if for the rest of my life every time something good happens it will be some sad too because she's not here to react. I thought I knew how vital my mother was to my life until she was gone and now I realize I didn't have a clue. I can be fine, going along without problem and then something strikes me and I am so sad with instant tears. Now would be the time for me to play a sad role on stage because the tears aren't hard to get to. The only problem comes when it is time to turn them off. It is that time now, I have breakfast scheduled with a good friend in the morning and then tons of housecleaning to do. The kids each have a friend spending the night so there are sheets to change and rooms to vacuum. I don't want to forget to mention my awesome sister, Cindy, who not only kept my kids so Jeff and I could go to the show, but who brought them back to my house and put them to bed when the show ran long. That's my first grateful thing, next comes an acting family, and finally the Rib and Loin Bar-b-que we had today. It was delicious and a great fundraiser for the school. They sold 1,000 plates.