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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Building family

The long good-bye continues as Daddy sits with us at lunch and tries to join the conversation but can't find the word he wants. He starts and stutters, while Mom begs for a hint to help him. I know I want to gift him with the words that elude him. The social niceties that used to be second nature after all his years in the military are now buried beneath brain plaque. I wonder why they can't use a gamma knife to break off the plaque in people's brain's with Alzheimers? That is no doubt a question born of ignorance and desperation. 

My faith in Mom's healing has faltered with each day she hurts. My belief in God remains strong but confusion over his plan continues. It would be to such Glory for Him for Moma nd Dad to be healed. I don't know anyone that would proclaim it louder or longer than they. Mom has discovered dad only gets bathed every other day at the Lantern and she went over and shaved him today. I got to have lunch with them and two of my mom's cousins today. It felt like there was a greater connection with those family members than I have had since I was a little girl. Perhaps there is a commonality in the aching of our hearts since we all love Mom so. My faith in God's plan has begun to build again and as awful as this is, I know He can even take all this and use it for good. At least in some moments I know this. I do know that it is the natural order for my parents to age and die before me. Even in twenty years, would I ever be ready to release the people who loved me so unselfishly their whole lives? It doesn't look like I am going to get to test that question but I am not done asking for healing so if you are inclined join me when you can, praying for a lessening of Mom's pain but also for healing. One other thing, if she does die from this, please do not come up to me at the funeral and say that was God's way of healing her. I may have a tire iron ready for those type comments.  Just tell me you loved her and all the wonderful things you remember and I'll tell you some of my stories too. I know I am blessed to have had both of them as my parents.

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