I woke at five this morning unable to fall back askeep. All I could wonder was if this was the day my dad would die. There is an hour and half left in the day and it looks like he will make it to Sunday. The thing about that though, is it could change. At any moment, my cell phone could ring and the nurse say, "his breathing has changed, this may be it." And I throw on clothes and rush over. It will either be the end or it won't. There is no way of knowing when the call comes and no way of knowing whether that time will be the last time. I started the day by going over to see Daddy. His vitals had actually improved since last night. I'm not sure how since he continues to receive no food or drink. His feet which had been mottled the night before were more pink and his fingernails had lost their blue cast. Dad's body is refusing to let go even though his mind has checked out.
In between staying with Dad, we continued cleaning out Mom's apartment. My sister very lvingly allowed me to have a table I really wanted that has a small elephant statue underneath. I love the table and I love that it reminds me of Mom. I ended the day going to see Daddy and then coming home to kiss my little ones good-night. This day has been emotionally draining. I hope I can sleep tonight and that tomorrow brings no surprises.
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