The new birthday of Sandra Graves

The title of this blog was the title of her funeral service when the church gave us a copy. I understand the hopeful place they intended the message from. But I didn't like it. I guess because I'm not ready to give up the old birthday of Sandra Graves. And, as much as I would love for my faith to be strong enough, I'm not sure I will ever celebrate on the anniversary of her death. I would never wish more pain on her but I would wish for more good days of laughter. She really loved to laugh. It seems like a grayer place without her here. So many people have lost parents and I guess they all have this disconnected feeling. Which makes sense because Mom was my anchor. Without her, I'm floating into waters I'd rather not enter.

The service itself would have been beautiful and probably was, but it was difficult for me to attend to it with my six year old squirming on my lap. He was very sweet though. He held a kleenex in his hand the whole time and  whispered to me at one point, "this isn't for me. It's for your tears." I do adore that squirmy boy and the things he says. He also asked when the soloist was singing if Mom could hear him. I assured him she could. So I guess I have to believe she can hear me too. I miss you, Mom.