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Monday, February 28, 2011

an almost normal day

If  you don't count the trips to the Lantern to check on Dad and finishing cleaning out my mother's apartment with Sharon, the day was basically uneventful. Dad's breathing stayed steady and his bp is great. The nurses are remarking that they wish they had bp as good as he does. Both his sisters have come into town and are keeping vigil by his bedside. They are doing their best to be here in Mom's stead.

I climbed but did not conquer Mount Washmore today. If tomorrow is equally uneventful perhaps I will make more progress. I am writing this blog earlier than I usually do hoping to go to bed early too. I just hope I don't get an eleven o'clock summons to Dad's side. Not that I am sleeping that well even when I do sleep. Maybe it is the grief but I feel tired almost all the time.

I am looking forward to eating some Mocha Almond Pie tomorrow. It is a great favorite of mine but I had lost the recipe. I told a friend of mine that I had lost it and she shipped not only the recipe but all the ingredients from Washington, D.C. The pie has to freeze overnight so tomorrow I will be sampling that. I am finding it is the little things I have to look forward to right now. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog not remembering how Mom's voice sounded. I got a pleasant surprise tonight when driving her car. My kids wanted me to use the on-star to make a phone call. So I called out a name and to my delight Mom's recorded voice saying that name came back at me. Okay, delight might be a bit off since it made me happy and very sad at the same time. I am still existing in almost a state of disbelief that she is really gone. I don't think this is one you get over, it is just a loss that you incorporate into your being and move forward.

Tonight, I sat at the table eating out of a pint of ice cream that I had bought for myself last week. Kelsey said, "Why do you get a whole thing to yourself?" and I said, "Many years from now, when I die, I give you permission to buy a pint of ice cream for yourself too."She said, "I'd rather have you than the ice cream."

Me too.

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